Yeah, I probably do this too much. Overanalyze, think about the rather large, grand scheme of things, etc. because I’m a perfectionist, I am a freak about organizing things, having a cushion in my accounts for things, making sure things get taken care of sooner rather than later, etc.
Let’s just say a few hours ago I wanted to send Killer (the car) off a cliff because he wouldn’t pass inspection because of the check engine light being on, which it has been for nearly 6 months now and no one in the four places I’ve been to knows why after numerous tests. But that’s an entire saga all it’s own that I’d be happy to share, if you should happen ask. Long story short, I’m going all the way to Albemarle again (yes, this means I already went up today and accomplished nothing) tomorrow to see if another place can figure out what is wrong with it, if anything. If I get the same response about nothing and they’ll let it go through inspection, I’ll be happy. If I hear the $1000 figure again, I don’t know… I’d be more apt to get another new (used) car than pay that…but, it’s not like I have that money just sitting around for either situation.
And then, because I’m the responsible teacher who doesn’t want to schedule something to interrupt school and likes to get things taken are of right away when they are brought up, I called a doctor about a consultation for something with my mouth. Now, I’ve had plenty of work done on my mouth. Plenty. And it’s all turned out great. I’m just living with short roots and I possibly need to have a procedure that I’ve already had done once – a graft. Sounds scary, but it really isn’t. Of course my insurance doesn’t cover it…but again, I don’t have $2000 for this just hanging around either.
So, I pull out my defense mechanism…sarcasm about it all. Some of it valid, some just to vent my frustrations. I honestly do not have that money just hanging around. I have a good cushion in my accounts, yes. I’m better off than my parents were and I owe them a lot for that because I learned good finance management from them…and I am rather thrifty (if I do say so myself…). But, I’m almost OCD about not going below a certain amount in my accounts and I’m NOT a fan of the plural word “payments”. Yeah, car payments and payments to the periodontist…not something I’m a fan of. I’d rather just pay it down cash right away. And I could do that in one case or the other, but both…not so much. I know I don’t know about my car yet, but I’ve gone through so much junk with it I’m more apt to be thinking that it probably does have some weird issue with it that’s going to cost insane amounts of money to fix… I know I shouldn’t think that way and I guess I’m a pessimist when it comes to me and cars sometimes. I miss Kermit…my former car that was smashed in a car accident (not my fault). He was a good one. It was good being green.
I am looking at this month and my family being down here and all the driving I’ll be doing aside from all of this and it overwhelms me (mostly because I want to make sure I have time with my family and with gas so stinking expensive going back and forth from the mountains….) and hence I end up pulling on the sarcasm in the heat of the moment and then it dies down to just ending up in tears. Tears because I’m overwhelmed and also because I know I shouldn’t jump to conclusions and that I need to take time to think about this stuff a bit more and my options. Tears because I know this is a huge lesson in trusting God for provision and I feel like I should just be able to get over it and be right at that point right away and I’m frustrated that I’m not. I know I have the options and I know He’ll provide…I guess I just get worked up in the heat of the moment…
I suppose all I can say right now is just pray my car doesn’t have issues…and if it does, that things work out for me to get a car that works for me. And as for the dental junk…I still want to just get it taken care of, so if I get it done soon, pray that it just works out in the line of money and payments (yeah, it was still hard for me to even have that written there…). And of course, pray for me to just let this thing go and that I will just go with it and know it will be taken care of.