Pounding

My heart is pounding right now, for two reasons.

One is that Pastor Steven hit home with me last night yet again.  I love that he can hit it on the nail Sunday mornings and really get his point across, but if I stick around and am volunteering later on in the day for something (such as I was last night for our student Dominate event), he can add something to it or say something in a different way and it reaches further within me.  Of course I was gripped by this “lay it all out on the table” thing he talked about in the AM considering it is all God’s anyway.  Yes, Killer (my car) is God’s car.  God has a car named Killer. 

What he said later at the student event though was about something similar that happened with him that I think I’m experiencing in a different way.  When he was younger he was trying to save for a car and his church began a campaign to raise money for a building and he felt God calling him to put that money towards the church rather than a car.  Well, I’m the kind of person who timelines big purchases when I know I will have had time to build up to having that money to make the purchase.  Recently, I’ve had a lot of issues with my computer and it’s peeling and I can’t get any kind of spyware to actually work on it without having Windows service pack 2 which basically makes my computer freeze and never go past the opening screen.  So, I can’t put SP2 on and hence I have issues.  So, I’ve been looking at different computers for a while, thinking perhaps a purchase might be in the future.  Then I got pulled on Macs and while they’re expensive, I thought perhaps that might be what I’d go for.  Big purchase #2 is a car.  I won’t even acknowledge the ridiculousness I’ve dealt with in the past year and just say that my car was tricked into passing inspection this year.  I really don’t want to deal with the big hassle that it was this year NEXT YEAR.  So, my thought process was….get the laptop now or in the next few months and then early summer or so, look for a car.  I have the money saved up for a laptop available now and the time until summer would give me a chance to save up money specifically for a car.

Well, add to this the fact that I also had surgery in August and issues with insurance deciding whether they’d pay for it or not…I still do not know.  The doctor is wonderful and said they will bring my bill down to half if the insurance decides they won’t cover it.  Exactly half of the bill (what is left – I already paid some) would be $800.  I’m caught between a rock and a hard place.  When I heard that number, it was about the time when buzz began about DOMINATE   I got the strong feeling that because I hadn’t originally planned on having that $800 (in the case that I had to pay the surgery bill in full), it wasn’t going to be mine anyways, it needs to go to Elevation, specifically the Dominate campaign.  So, someone kick my butt and ask to look at my checkbook or something on November 11 and make sure I write a check for that amount.  It scares me half to death doing that when  I still could not know about the insurance and surgery bill until the end of November, but I know where it needs to go.

Why else is my heart pounding?  I think too much.  That’s why.  End of story.  It all goes back to what I said in my last post…  The mind is a person’s own worst enemy sometimes.  I overanalyze and over a lot of things.  However, I’m already over it pretty much, so that’s that. 

Here’s what’s exciting:

• Church, but that’s not unusual
• Lots of birthdays in the last week and in the coming two weeks!
• Seasoning – glean what you will from that.  I could be talking like oregano and garlic or seasoning in some life changing manner.
• MUTE.MATH.
• Friends